#1:In the blink of an eye. . .

I have some difficulties with my short-term memory now. Forget why I walked into a room, ‘where’s my hat’ and let’s not even get started on keys! Folk of a certain age will be nodding in agreement at these first two sentences. For me it could be age related, it could be side effects of the ridiculous cocktail of pills I now have to take every day, or it could be a knock on effect from the crash. It’s difficult to diagnose because it could quite easily be a combination of all three.

What hasn’t been affected though is my long-term memory. I have an uncanny ability to remember all kinds of things right from my very early childhood and not just the ‘big’ things like starting school. It can be a blessing as I could recount some tale when I see my brothers that opens waves of happy memories, but it can be a curse as well. 5th May 2018 sits at the top of that list.

As a Secondary School teacher there are some parts of the year I refer to as silly season. March, April and May are frantic as you are constantly on students’ cases for getting their coursework finished whilst also trying to prepare them for an exam. Music is a killer for this as well as literally every child is producing something unique. 5th May was a Saturday and I find myself in school organising coursework getting ready to be sent off to the moderator. A school designed to hold over 800 students and 100+ staff, yet that morning it was just me and Ryan the caretaker who kept checking his watch, the kind way of saying his tee off time is getting closer.

Work still needed to be done so I packed up my bag, wished Ryan well and headed off in the car. It was a glorious day and well suited to a BBQ. I rang Pam with this suggestion which was given the thumbs up. I needed to go to the supermarket to buy raw meat in preparation for its cremation, but the problem was the bag. It was loaded with coursework and marking with no duplicates at this stage. To put this into context, if the house was on fire and I could only grab one of two bags; the coursework bag or one containing five grand in cash, the money would be unfortunately going up in flames. The bag was heavy, so I didn’t want to carry it into the supermarket, but there was no way it was staying in the car either whilst I did my shopping. So, I made the decision to detour via home to drop the bag off.

It literally was a case of I pulled up on the drive, popped the bag in the kitchen and said to Pam I’ll be back shortly and off I went.

The acoustic version of Foo Fighters Everlong was playing in the car, everything was normal driving down a road I’ve driven hundreds of times, then it happened.

It was noise first, unbelievably loud noise, like an explosion. Then pain. Then colour. All I could see was a variety of bold colours that started spiralling, like those spinning tops you had as a kid. Then quiet. This is where the good long term memory thing is a curse not a blessing.

The spinning top colours and the quiet brought me to the conclusion this was it, the end. I can’t say then and I can’t say now why I felt this, at the time it just seemed a logical conclusion.

Not having a chance to say goodbye, so many things in life still to explore, but no. The end.

I don’t know how long in real time I was in this state, but it felt a long time. Too much time to process regrets. Then I heard someone’s voice, quiet at first then getting louder. ‘Are you ok pal? Try not to move. Stay with me.’ The colours started to slow down and became shapes again, my ears were ringing with horrific tinnitus, but the guy’s voice was getting louder: ‘Stay with me pal, you’re going to be ok’.

My eyes opened and I am in my car. It is at this point where fear grips you. Something very bad had happened, but I didn’t know what. For whatever reason I thought I could have killed someone as it became very clear very quickly this guy was worried but doing his best to stay calm. It was only later that I realised they were worried about me.

A car had driven through a Giveway sign at speed and drove straight into the side of me, hitting my car on the drivers door causing my car to spin. If you know anything about cars, I had an Audi A6 Quattro Estate, basically a tank on wheels and the car was hit so hard it caused the drivetrain to collapse to the point the wheels were facing skyward.

The Paramedics moved me out of the car and off I went to hospital. I was in a lot of pain, dazed and confused. It was in the Ambulance I realised something else was wrong. The Paramedic was so kind trying her best to keep me calm when I said to her: ‘My right arm feels weak and cold.’ She kept reassuring me saying I was in shock and these kinds of things will happen. She held my right hand and asked me to squeeze it and I could barely hold her hand.

I’ve no doubt many of you have seen someone’s face at one point in your life when they are verbally saying one thing, but their face tells a different story. I can still see that look now.